Restrictions May Apply: Some Promotions Not Available In All Territories

This morning, I just want to vent.  In my last entry, I wrote about problems on this island that no one talks about.  They are here, growing over things like mildew on concrete buildings.  It’s ugly, but we’re not doing much to get rid of it and make Guam a nicer place to be.  We just ignore it and accept that having ugly mold all over our buildings is part of living on a tropical island. Paint is expensive!  Repainting stuff takes work!  We would rather just let it sit for a while, even though mildew is unhealthy and can kill you if it gets out of hand.

The other day, a local news article circulating was titled “Chuukese Outnumber Any Other Ethnicity on Guam in Alcohol Related Arrests.”  When I saw the headline pop on my twitter feed, I was disgusted.  I heard quite a few people talking about it, many of whom were also disgusted with the headlines, which singled out a specific ethnicity on island. And unfortunately, I heard from some who used the headline as fuel for ugliness.  I heard some really REALLY disturbing and ugly things come out of people’s mouths about our brothers and sisters from neighboring islands.  I’m not even going to repeat them here on this blog, but one of the things that disappoints me most is that some of those things came out of the mouths of people I really care about, even some people that I look up to.  Doesn't that suck?!

I went to dinner last night with some girlfriends and I brought up the article’s headline, wondering what in the world is happening on this island.  My friend explained that there has been worse.  She reminded me that not too long ago, an entire page was used within a local paper to provide detailed crime statistics for “Micronesians.”  (What is a Micronesian again?  I always forget.  I mean, Guam is part of Micronesia and we get a booth at the Micronesian Fair every year, but the rest of the year, Chamorros don’t like to be Micronesian.  Apparently, we’re only Micronesian during the Micronesian Fair.)

Sometimes, we decide to be Micronesian when we’re away in college and near other Micronesians who were privileged enough to leave our region and pursue study elsewhere.  We sometimes even form clubs, like Pacific Island’s Clubs or Micronesian Clubs.  But here on Guam, we don’t actually live day to day with the same unity and spirit of mutual Micronesian pride.  

The women I had dinner with described the statistics published, explaining how NO OTHER ethnicities were discussed.  No crime rates from the base, where domestic abuse is common. No crime rates on Chamorros, where we have more than our fair share of criminals. No mention of criminals of Asian descent who run notorious human trafficking brothels disguised as massage parlors, karaoke bars, or “gentlemen’s clubs.”  Nothing.  I guess the newspaper just felt the need to direct the entire island’s energy toward seeing ugly things done by ONE group. Never mind that every day, ugly things are done by people of all ethnicities.  

This is something that has bothered me since I returned home a couple years ago.  Because when you are in our island’s classrooms, you can see it very clearly.  Some of my students don’t realize that I’m worried about it, but it even worries me when they exhale in relief or announce delight upon finding out that the tall, white-looking woman in front of them is Chamorro.  I appreciate that they are happy to be taught by someone who shares their background, but I’m also bothered by the fact that they “loosen up” upon finding out “that I’m one of them.” I have lived my whole life like this: hearing what Chamorros say when they think Caucasians are not around and in turn, hearing what Caucasians say when they think Chamorros are not around.  I am an undercover Chamorro!  A double agent! ;P

One of the most interesting things has been the way in which my students can all find commonalities with each other  (Chamorro, Filipino, Chuukese, Palauan, Yapese...) to voice feelings about differences between them and people from the Continental US.  But once we start working on current events, particularly local current events, where specific groups are often highlighted (and those from the Continental US are routinely glorified), they start launching accusations at each other, forgetting that the people of Guam do not control their immigration laws, military dependents don’t get to determine where they end up, and that many of our residents from neighboring islands are here because of difficulties in their home that are the result of issues in US relations that are similar to the ones we have here.  

One of this past semester’s most interesting class discussions began after a student from the Philippines read a reflection wherein she voiced that one of the reasons she came to Guam was because, she felt that where she was “from in the Philippines doesn’t feel like home anymore.  There are all these other people and the culture is fading, and it’s hard to make a living because there are all these other people there now.  It's so crowded.  It's hard to make ends meet.  I came here for opportunities.”  When she shared this statement, an older student from Guam retorted that she found that strange because in her opinion, “Guam doesn’t feel like home anymore either” because “you are here doing that to us.”  I also had a student from “Guam High” (the school on the base) explain how much he misses his home in the states and that he sometimes feels excluded or hurt when in ear shot of comments about statesiders.  

One student announced, proudly, that “Filipinos were taking over Guam” and that he couldn’t “wait to see a Filipino Governor.”  It became even more interesting when a student from Yap read about why he left his island.  I remember the whole class staring at him in silence when he said, “My island, it was... it IS beautiful.  I was always very happy there and I feel like I had a lot there when I was growing up. But everyone kept telling me that I need to have more and leave to Guam for opportunities.  I am here now and I have a lot of things. I have all of this here, but I always feel like I have nothing.  I never felt that way in Yap, even though I really had nothing.”  

The people on this island, as simple as some people like to portray them, are thinking about some complex things, they are feeling complex feelings rooted in something real.   Those heavy and sometimes misinformed thoughts or feelings of resentment do not disappear with a surfacey “Hafa Adai.” They will not disappear if we decide to focus on one group and ignore the rest.

Over a year ago, when the DoD released a study on crime rates associated with plans to relocate troops, DoD announced that if any significant increase in crime occurred, it would be due to those from neighboring Micronesian islands.  At the time, I was a little more optimistic about the integrity of our local media.  It was suggested, through an organization I had just started to become active within, that I attend a weekend discussion session with one of our newspaper editors.  I guess he met with certain people and spoke with them to get a nice, balanced discussion going before writing his big Sunday letter from the editor. 

When I showed up, there was pizza, so my spirits remained high...until the actual discussion started.  The editor explained that he would be focusing on the build-up and wanted to write about impacts to our social services and our island’s needs for social workers, probation officers, etc.  I was surprised to see that in general, the other men at the table were largely silent on issues that I knew they must have had more to say about.  When the editor said something, I noticed how their eyes glazed over and they provided really “safe” perspectives that, in my opinion, didn’t really do much to create a compelling, informative, or particularly balanced piece.  

Being new and unfamiliar with what everyone else already seemed to know, I suggested that maybe one of the things we could do was to clarify who exactly needed these services.  I explained that the recent string of articles made it seem as if we’d need more social workers and law enforcement officers because people from neighboring islands would be running around committing crimes like crazy and neglecting their children.  I brought a very credible stack of research from a professor at Brown University who was hired by the local courts to explain what their needs might be.  Her study showed that we would all be needing these services, even people on the base, who occasionally drive drunk, commit crimes, neglect their children, and commit sexual offenses as well. I know that might sound like an obvious thing to point out.  But in all honesty, some people really pretend that everything going on within the fence is perfect.  It's like a big 50's family sitcom in there, or that's what some on this island would like everyone to believe.  The only people screwing up are us lazy, drunk locals.  I figured, if we were going to talk about solutions, we should probably clarify the problem and do so fairly.

I didn’t realize that pointing out that more than one group of people on island committed crimes was unacceptable.  A social worker from the university smiled at me appreciatively, and the two local males beside me looked at me in agreement, showing silent approval, but ultimately doing or saying nothing.  The editor gave me a patronizing smile and reminded me that we were “focusing on solutions.”  I guess I don’t think there’s any good in talking about solutions if we don’t even accurately identify the problem, so I pointed out that I brought some research to share.  He rolled his eyes and said, paternalistically, “Desiree, you don’t need to bring out your ‘research.’”  The Chamorro men beside me began to look down, as if trying to be invisible.  Being so new to the process, I ended up wasting some energy by trying to use a statistic regarding sex crimes within the study to make my point.  The editor of the newspaper sighed and said, “There’s no need to write about that.  We’re trying to find solutions here.  Women are raped everywhere and women will get raped no matter who is on Guam.”  

I had just come from a working environment and community that would not tolerate a statement like that, and I looked around the table, speechless, wondering when the men beside me were going to look up.  I didn't realize just how much we tolerated here yet.  I hadn't really started the process of thinking about our "tolerance levels." I was so confused.  I reminded myself that I had just got home and that I didn’t need to burn any bridges. I shut up and shut down for the rest of the discussion, which was empty and void of anything meaningful regarding “solutions.”  I decided that if I was wasting my time with this bullshit, I was gonna make the most of it.  I decided to get more pizza.

The editor politely ended the session and passed out his little card.  I quickly got up and left, not wanting to talk to any of the men in the room.  As I walked down the stairs, one of the older men tapped me on the shoulder.  He asked me if I was “Gloria’s granddaughter.”  I confirmed and tried to keep going.  He walked beside me anyway, explaining how he knew her.  “Oh, okay,” I said unenthusiastically.  “By the way,  I think you did very good in there.  You’re right,” he said.  I turned to look at him more closely, confused as hell.  “Oh I was?” I asked, a little annoyed.  “I didn’t know anyone thought so,” I said smugly.  “Nen, one thing you will learn is that there is no point in trying to tell these guys anything,” he said motioning up toward the office we just exited.  “After a while, you will see what I’m talking about.”  That was my first very clear look at “how it goes here.”  

Over the next few months, years... I watched as what the man said started to make more sense.  I watched quotes twisted grossly out of context.  I listened as conversations were framed on certain shows, how individuals who didn’t confirm the popular narrative had their calls cut off more quickly than others, how their questions were responded to with a little more condescension.  I know that there isn’t a single place in the world where the media is clean, but I started to see that we were a little dirtier than usual.  When working on a small fundraising raffle, which didn’t have anything to do with the build up, I had one radio station warn me that I couldn’t say anything “too controversial” and to keep it "light."  I was told, "no build up talk."  I didn’t even plan to.  Actually,  at the time, I was in a place where I was pretty uncomfortable doing anything but “keeping it light.”  I've come a long way from there.

 Before a speech at a certain academic conference, I had a superior speak to me with, what felt like, concern, asking me what community organizations I was part of and hinting that they preferred I not say anything about the build-up or political status... even though the conference was about this island’s future. They didn't even bother to ask what my perspective on the build up or political status was!  I was baffled.  No one questioned or warned people who openly supported the build-up or announced that we were just fine being a powerless territory.  That seemed to be okay.  It was an academic conference about the island’s future, but it was better that I dance around all the things looming over the island’s future and present a main point that was... “safe.”  I actually ended up really stressed over that whole thing.  I had some people nagging me about needing to say one thing and other people warning me not to say another.  By the time it was all through, I decided that middle aged Guamanians are the most confusing f-ing people I have ever met in my entire life.

 At the academic conferences I was used to, the more meaningful and exigent your topic, the better.  The narrower, the better.  But it seemed like I was being asked to keep it kind of broad by some people, and reminded how important it was to speak to the issue by another; and I was really worried about not pleasing both!  I thought of the radio station reminding me to “keep it light” again.  It seems like there are lots of reminders to “keep it light” all over the place. Half the time, I don't even plan on or realize that I am saying anything too “heavy.”   Is it really too controversial to point out that it's screwed up to keep singling out one ethnic minority?  Really? It was only after all the constant reminders to “keep it light” that I realized that “keep it light” meant “pretend nothing is going on and basically, never ever disagree.”  If you do, some old white guy who knows lots of people could totally embarrass you, misrepresent you, or make fun of you in the newspaper or on the radio. Over time I realized that even if that small handful of microphone holders does that, there are lots and lots of people in the actual community who don't really subscribe to their mentality.  (Even though those guys seem to think they have a monopoly on articulating what Guam is feeling.)  For a while, it was enough stress to really shut me up.  Do you know how freaking scary that is when you’re young and wanting to do well at work while keeping a steady pay check?  This island is small!  There are consequences!  And when people keep giving you little warnings to “keep it light” and say “Hafa Adai,” you start to get paranoid that if you don’t, something bad might happen.  

I didn’t really get what was going on here.  I would call friends from the states, even former professors and describe the odd new alternate universe I was suddenly operating in.  And then it all started to become clear.... this is how it goes in a “territory.”  How could I forget?  I grew up seeing it all over the place; it was even written on top of the pizza box at that little meeting with the editor, right on a little coupon and promotional pamphlet taped to the box:  Restrictions may apply. Some promotions not available in all territories.